is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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