piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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