How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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