She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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