Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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