New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
