did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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