let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
