Christians are straight up FREAKS
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
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its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
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You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?