it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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