and she was petting her beer can
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
