why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Houston, we have a blender
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
