If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
