I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
