dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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