1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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