Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
wrigley field is MILF paradise
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
