Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
