I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
