I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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