I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
