Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
