I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
