Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
