I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
