I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
