I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I need to calm my uterus...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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