Need sex. Gaining weight.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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