He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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