It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
