I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
