Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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