She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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