oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
