i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
