Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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