I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
