I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I got inside last night via doggy door
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
