I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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