There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
