wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
