so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
