I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I can't put those talents on a resume
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
