some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
