Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
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You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
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He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize