his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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