she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize