You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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