I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
