My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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