i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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