im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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