You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
