Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wanna passion pit in your ass
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
