I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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