ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Drake has all the answers
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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