porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
