let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
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Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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