I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
