I am in a vortex of obligation.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do cheetos always look like penises
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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