Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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