Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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