Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
