There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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