I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
