Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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