You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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