mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
