Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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