I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
