What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
