It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
