Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
